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there exist more palatable fusions of “italian for kids” and baked goods than just that spaghettio pie

you may have recently seen a video of a woman making a "spaghettio pie". i won't try it, i honestly don't think it will work. i also, not to get too high off of my own supply, own an actual rolling pin.

woman pressing bread with her forearms

i do get what she's trying to do; she wants to take a food her kids love (spaghettio's) and make it a bit more grown up yet still fun in order to refine her kids' palates and/or create instagram-viral mommy lifestyle content. who among us is not? but i think she's going about it all wrong, and not just where where she added milk to make it "juicy".

woman pouring milk inot a pie filled with spaghetti-o

see, there's no way you can just put spaghetti-o's in a crust with cheese and skim milk and expect it to come out with the textural fortitude of hearty pie! so, for hoobastank2 this week, i proposed some more sound and reasonable ideas for kids-italian/baked-good fusion cuisine.

pain au marinara

a pain au chocolat but the chocolate is red

instead of rolling your pain au chocolat with a chocolate bar, roll in a a frozen stick of marinara sauce - preferably of the chef boyardee kind.

lasagna toaster tart

a lasagna noodle with a poptart icing photoshopped on top of it

instead of icing a toaster pastry, ice a damp cooked lasagna noodle

thumbprint cookies

photo of thumbprint cookies with pizza rolls photoshopped in place of the pizza rolls

it's just a classic thumbprint cookie but with a totino’s pizza roll instead of a hershey’s kiss.

😋

there's a lot to be said about the pressure put on moms to keep meals exciting and simple and quick, so i absolutely don't blame spaghettio pie mom for trying. these are just some additional recipes that she can (and you can, but definitely i shan't) try that may turn out a little less...juicy.

if you like or dislike these ideas, make sure you join us wednesday nights at 8pm est on twitch for hoobastank2. and as julia child, twice, said: bone apple teeth!

xoxo jenn

this was published January 27, 2021 under laughing food hoobastank2 cursed-kitchen