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halloweens of yesterjenn

a couple of weeks ago we did a halloween episode of hoobastank2 where pj vogt of reply all came on and talked about the spoooky topic of improv comedy – it was really good, check out the interview here. the show was so chill that it ran pretty long so i volunteered the slaughtering of my segment for time - if the show went any longer my face makeup would have gone permanent.

i love halloween because dressing up is fun and fun rules. because of these unprecendented timesβ„’ i didn't have any parties to go to, but fortunately i had the stream to dress up for. and i scoured through every photograph on my computer taken in the months of october and november over the past 30 years to find me in past halloweens. it was a journey. anyway, without further delay as this is already over 2 weeks late...

let’s take a tour through halloweens of yesterjenn.

old photo of two adults dressed as clowns and three little kids dressed as beetlejuice, a princess in white, and a cow

1990, lydia from beetlejuice but dressed in white

i'm dressed in white in the center. i wanted to be lydia from beetlejuice but i didn't have a red dress, but pretended i was her anyway. my best friend, jimmy, was beetlejuice and his aunt and uncle were clowns - which was cheating because they were actually clowns by trade.

i give this costume one out of five pumpkins for "one of many times my guardians have disappointed and embarrassed me" πŸŽƒ

photo of little me dressed in a black dress holding a notepad and there's some fake blood on my sleeve

1993, waitress who has been through some shit

my dad's wife printed me a label that said "Jennifer" and "Waitress" and i carried a notepad and pencil. i don't know how i got fake blood on my white sweatshirt, but let's just pretend it was part of the narrative.

two out of five pumpkins πŸŽƒπŸŽƒ

me dressed as a nurse standing next to a man whose face i covered with the pey wet cook

2007, hot nurse

i got a sexy nurse costume that was too big, and shortly after this photo was taken i almost passed out from exhaustion. a week of testing later and i was diagnosed with mono. this was my first quarter of graduate school and i had to spend most of it on the couch because my organs were so swollen.

three out of five pumpkins πŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒ

photo of me as the hamburglar sitting next to a man whose face i covered with the pey wet cook

2011, hot hamburglar

this halloween was almost cancelled due to a bizarre snow storm that shut down most of the town. i danced my ass off that night and looked spectacular doing it.

five out of five pumpkins πŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒ

photo me dressed in a dinosaur onesie next to my pal lisa who has kiss makeup on and a mime outfit

2013, dinosaur jr

this year my pal lisa and i went as musical puns. she was "french kiss" and i was "dinosaur jr." i wore a dinosaur onesie with flannel and a little backpack. at least lisa got the joke.

four out of five pumpkins πŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒ

photo of my pal Lisa as Elvis, me as garth, and Bram as pizza rat

2015, garth

here is my pal lisa again, but as elvis, and me as garth (from wayne's world) and our other pal bram was pizza rat. yes, we're just casually hanging out in a cemetery - it's a long story that jersey city folks know. what's actually important to point out is that this was part of yet another platonic couples costume:

photo of juan as wayne and me as garth

juan and i decided to go as wayne and garth because we both wanted to wear wigs. i paid $40 on aerosmith's website for that t-shirt and it was most definitely drop-shipped from zazzle.

three out of five pumpkins πŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒ

photo of me as wayne and juan as garth

2016, wayne

it was only natural that the following year that juan and i swap costumes. pure laziness.

two out of five pumpkins πŸŽƒπŸŽƒ

fortunately, i stepped my game up just a couple of days later...

photo in a bar with lisa as andrew wk, me as hot wayne and kaylin as buzz from home alone's girlfriend

also 2016, hot wayne

honestly, schwiiing!

six out of five pumpkins πŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒ

photo of me dressed as a cassowary and phil wearing a green dinosaur onesie

2017, cassowary

cassowaries are considered the most dangerous birds in the world and they can't even fly. idiots! i fashioned a beak out of paper, and you may recognize the dinosaur onesie there that i lent to my pal phil.

creative but not horny, three out of five pumpkins πŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒ

me with a blonde wig in a bathroom, wearing all black and holding up a pill-like object and looking at it

2019, elizabeth holmes

everyone at work was going to be dressing up for halloween, so i bought a blonde wig at the local pop-up costume shop and went as an american business woman with a fear of needles.

four out of five pumpkins πŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒ even tinashe lol'd.

and that leads to this years costume:

me in my room with alice cooper makeup on

2020, hot alice cooper

it only made sense that i put some skills i learned over the summer to work and show up to our stream in full, glorious all-over-the-face eyeliner. from the amount of makeup used, it's probably the most effort i've put into a costume, and it was worth it.

six out of five pumpkins πŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒπŸŽƒ

i hope you enjoyed this walk down memory lane with me. hopefully next halloween the world will be a bit safer to go out in and i can finally go and party dressed as an anarchist cheerleader from the smells like teen spirit video. maybe some of y'all can join me!

xoxo jenn

this was published November 17, 2020 under hoobastank2 streaming twitch alice-cooper birds