weekly retro: one of those winding road kinda weeks
it's a new week, although the "holiday weekend" still if you're in the states. during my workaholic corporate era, these holidays were more like a working vacation where i still logged on to get stuff done, but didn't have to talk to or answer to anyone (ie. no zoom calls). well, here i am technically working by writing this and planning to do candle work after. it's a good thing i only left corporate, not therapy as well.
question for you, jenn nation: is seeing a #livelaughlove banner in the hallway of a new dental provider that looks like it survived a flood and taking it as a sign you're in the right place a sign of growing up? or did this tooth infection i've been walking around with for a year finally reach my brain?
if i had the executive function and/or an obscene cash advance, i could write a whole book about my teeth. people say i've lived many lives from hearing my stories, looking at my cv, and talking to those i've known longer than them - but my real life story can only be best told from my teeth, scars, and my ability to act well under pressure.
i was under a lot of pressure this week, mentally and physically. pressure in my jaw pushed me to find a new dentist who validated my concerns, diagnosed what i already knew was the issue, and took care of it with the urgency it warranted. i hate how hard and expensive it is to get things taken care of, but i'm proud of myself for not giving up and pushing through discomfort.
the weather was shit this week, my whole jaw hurt for days from a procedure that cost me thousands of dollars, and something i helped create and grow for almost a decade is (drama intended) unnecessarily being euthanized. if the roses need occasional shit weather to truly pop, perhaps i need root canal retreatments and heartbreak to truly pop.
when my copy of the internet phone book arrived, i immediately opened it to the glitch ad we took out and i laughed because how it came about is kind of a perfect, funny story that perfectly illustrates the importance and whimsy of glitch that made it so difficult to survive within fastly. some stories and dental x-rays belong off the blog, sorry.
i didn't cry at all last week. not when those painful as fuck needles went into my gums to numb them - the irony! not when i found out how much all this dental work was going to cost me and how my insurance may not cover any of it. not when i opened the box with my internet phonebook copies the day after the glitch announcement. not when people were messaging me very nice things about how glitch changed their life. i cried while writing this paragraph, though. hope my blog doesn't charge as much as my therapist does.
i'm less than a week away from launching my candle store, a deadline that the world has been trying really hard to get me to miss - may 31st, the 5-year anniversary of live laugh blog. my friend very sweetly and tenderly tried to make me feel less angry by saying that the glitch chapter closing could mean a new one opening. the thing is, all these things can exist at once, and maybe looking for signs for hope is holding us back more than moving us forward? i can be hopeful but also angry as hell. in fact, i think those two feelings are extremely productive when put together - and only people who agree with that can come close to understanding me without me having to write a book about my teeth. which i'm never going to do, i've got candles to make.
things i enjoyed this week
- not going to the gym
- not drinking enough water
- ibuprofen
- doing drugs (legal)
i promise to chug a bunch of water after i hit publish on this.
xoxo jenn